|
 |
A NICE JEWISH GIRL BUT JUST NOT SUITABLE!
|
Extract from a Nice Jewish Girl But Just not Suitable
The Dreaded Journey
The car is getting close and closer, dread, panic, and resentment fills Yanna’s every thought, hating each lamppost that was passed on the dual carriageway while they bring her nearer and nearer to cheder (Jewish Sunday school). She has to endure this torture every Sunday. Résistance is futile, passive aggression is used in defiance. Yanna had to endure this for seven years and to cap it all she had to go to shul (the synagogue) on Saturday mornings. She often sat on her own while her peers chatted away to each other during shabbat (Saturday) service. To add insult to injury as well as Sunday school, she had to go to additional Cheder classes every Tuesday and Thursday evening after a stressful day at school!
Hebrew Classes.
Once it came to reading and writing Hebrew Yanna found it so hard. Her peers treated her like she was stupid and the Rabbi and the Cheder teachers were in despair of her, especially as her brother Laive could read Hebrew well and was very religious and allowances were made for his handwriting difficulties.
When reading and writing English Yanna did not have any difficulties with the level of literacy for 1 basic, the bottom group in Secondary school. In fact she was considered a good reader compared to the other pupils in 1 Basic, so dyslexia was not identified. However her reading ability as an adult has been assessed at slightly below average and considerably lower compared to her high verbal ability, in other words the profile for specific leaning differences. When reading she had problems with spelling, sequencing and pronouncing unfamiliar and complex words. Her writing in English was reasonably legible, unless she was under extreme stress. Yanna eventually learned to write Hebrew in block and script but had difficulties spacing letters from right to left. When reading Hebrew this magnified her dyslexia, displaying difficulties with scanning and decoding from right to left, caused her to read painfully slowly and hesitantly. The stress she experienced as school and cheder compounded her difficulties. Yanna did suspect that she was dyslexic when it came to Hebrew but not English but did not understand that you can be more dyslexic in one language than another, and that dyslexia is not just difficulties with reading.
Billy No Mates
Yanna had a few Jewish friends such as Alicia a pump girl with mid length straight brown hair, who was a couple of years younger than her. She had her friends and often sat with them in shul because they refused to let Yanna sit with them and Alicia wanted to be part of the crème de le crème, so Yanna frequently sat on her own like Billy No Mates.
The Cheder Klutz
Yanna did not have any friends at cheder in her class because when she did manage to make friends, usually newcomers, her lack of tact caused her to lose them and they would join the clique. So she spent most of cheder sitting on her own on a separate table from her peers, to avoid their open hostility and nasty remarks. One day Dovid the History teacher made her sit with the other girls, thinking that he was doing her a favour by helping her to integrate with her peers. Yanna was angry with him for interfering, preferring her own company; it never occurred to her to confide in him or any other teacher about the extent of her exclusion, as there were no anti-bullying policies in those days. The malice began as soon as she joined the ‘crème de la crème’ but not when Dovid was in listening distance. During the next lesson it was a relief for Yanna to move back to her singly occupied table and she was never made to sit with the other girls again.
Yanna had observed when other people think that you are not very bright they seem to think that you are deaf, or can’t understand English. Some boys would discuss her, not even bothering to whisper. Comments for example with a knowing nod “She’s retarded you know just like her brother, retardation runs in the family”.
Judgemental comments like this are often made around disabled people and older people with the same disrespect and insensitivity.
Yanna found it hard to motivate herself, to learn about her religion and culture when she was being bullied on a daily basis. In fact she went one step further; she did not want to know! She decided not to even try and did not let on about what information that she had absorbed, pretending that she knew nothing, internalising the opinion that she was an idiot and living up to her role. No way were her parents going to get a chance to kwell! (Glow with parental pride at her achievements) like they did with Laive. How dare her parents expect any nachas! (be boasting about her to their friends and relatives) from her, like they did with Laive, Some prison sentences don’t last this long.
One day Yanna came to cheder evening classes in her Secondary school V-necked royal blue jumper and everyone else wore grammar school grey or blue blazers. One superior acting lad remarked, “well what did you expect!.”
Eli the Hebrew teacher was quite an entertaining character. He was an Israeli who spoke in broken English until he mastered the language. To discipline unruly boys he would threaten them with a menacing look that turned Yanna’s legs to jelly and shout “I WILL TAKE YOU FROM YOUR NOSE AND THROW YOU OUT!”
Bat mitzvah
At the age of 12, Yanna was one of the oldest in her class not because of her lack of progress but because she was born on May 27th. She was asked to join the Bat Mitzvah class which was the final year of cheder. The Bat Mitzvah girls in this class were more inclusive to her during class but not socially. They were all supportive of each other when preparing for their ceremony. Integration has its price because she got into trouble when they were passing a girl’s watch round and it ended up in her hands just when the Rabbi a grey haired, bearded kindly man with a fondness for whisky was looking directly at her, so she got a gentle pat on her head for her troubles. Yanna did not realise at the time that the entrance exam for Bat Mitzvah was a mere formality and thought she would fail it without pretending that she was totally ignorant because the Rabbi knew that she had been brought up properly by a good Jewish family and was deliberately flunking her exam. In her opinion the exam was sexist because boys didn’t have an exam for their Bar Mitzvah and her brother Laive used to coach boys from scratch that had never been to cheder, making a tape recording for them to memorise.
The sexism of the orthodox/traditional synagogue was in Yanna’s favour. If she had been a boy she would have had to stand alone in front of the congregation and read a long passage in Hebrew from the Torah in a script that she was not familiar with. The Bat Mitzvah a group presentation was very progressive for those days because it was usually only recognised at the Reform and Liberal synagogues.
The ritual involved reading poetry about what it meant to be a Jewish woman and the young women all read an English translation of Adonolom which is usually sang in Hebrew after the prayer for Her Majesty the Queen and the Royal Family for the Shabbat service; followed by a poem describing the virtuousness and purity of being a Jewish woman. Then they all had to make a vow to promise to be good Jewesses and observe their religion. Yanna kept quiet at this bit of the ceremony and no one seemed to notice. She had no intention of being forced to make a promise that she had no intention of keeping, honesty can be neurodivergent strength
Post Bat Mitzvah Classes
After her Bat Mitzvah Yanna thought that she had escaped cheder but no such luck! To her dismay the Rabbi had set up a post Bar Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah discussion group in their honour. That was held in his study, piled high with holy books and literature on Yiddishkite (Jewish culture) and paintings and figurines with a Jewish theme. On his desk there were pictures of his wife, children and many grandchildren, and the clock that they had presented to him during their Bat Mitzvah.
The Rabbi was renowned for his forthrightness and lack of tact, particularly in his sermons. Some of the other students had complained about the Rabbi’s tasteless choice of subject for debate when they were debating cannibalism and if this was kosher as a last resort when surviving an air crash. Yanna’s mum Yetta asked why she had not told her that we were discussing such a gruesome subject and that she didn’t have to go to cheder anymore which was sweet music to her ears.
TRIP TO ISRAEL
At the age of 16, Yanna went on a trip to Israel with young Jewish people some of whom she had already met from regional discos. Yet again she did not fit in, and she got the same treatment that she had received at cheder. What made it even worse was that Eric, a more senior member of the y Jewish Youth group, who was bearded with thick black curly hair with poor leadership skills, who was appointed the trip leader and was also known as ‘ Wolfman’, joined in the bullying and often initiated it.
One particular inciden occurred when the Young Jewish People were all eating watermelon. Some of it spilled onto Yanna’s T-shirt so everyone decided to wipe their watermellony hands on it turning, her white T-shirt vest into a bright pink one. When one of her peers asked Yanna why had she let them do this to her, she told him there was nothing much that she could do to stop them. This was the powerlessness of intenalised oppression. Although some of the group were quite patronising towards her; she realised that she had a ND gift they didn’t have although they were all taking O and A levels rather than CSEs. At a visit to a glass making factory they made their own necklaces from a selection of glass beads. Everyone else threaded their beads at random. She visualised a design that involved combining colours, shapes and knots. Everyone was surprised and uncharacteristically impressed by her creativity.
THE KIBBUTZ
Yanna decided to make one last attempt at mixing with Jewish people. So when she was 18 she volunteered to work on Kibbutz Givatt Brenner, the largest kibbutz on Israel, situated near Rechovot. It had a huge dinning room and kitchen. Its income came from growing fruit, flowers and vegetables and had its own furniture factory, juice factory and hotel. The volunteers were accommodated in various types of accommodation, the quality of facilities varied depending on whether they were a new volunteer, regulars or long term volunteers. Yanna’s group were located in the original pioneers’ corrugated shacks with a toilet and shower block much to the dismay of the spoilt English Jewish youth; whereas established volunteers lived in more modern Youth hostel type blocks which were luxurious in comparison.
To her utter despair and disappointment although the Kibbutz Youth Volunteer Project was run by a different youth organisation she soon found that many of the other volunteers had been on her previous trip to Israel, were friends of these young adults or were people she knew from past National Jewish Youth conventions.
Thumbing a lift to Rechovot
Yanna made a huge faux pas when Volunteer’s Co-ordinator Menachem, a kindly grey haired man who once pointed that she had had done her denim blue work shirt up the wrong way, told her that if she wanted a lift into Rechovot, she could stop one of the Kibbutz members on the road that led to the public roads. She innocently thumbed a lift and wondered why the drivers looked so shocked and that no-one had stopped, thinking that her unpopular reputation with her peers was known by all the kibbutzniks. When one man made the gesture not in front of her wife, she still did not understand. Yanna later related her experience back to her Jewish peers who roared with laughter explaining that in Israel this was the same as the two fingered salute in English.
Ole
Yanna had felt very rejected by her British peers so she sat by herself outside the volunteers porter-cabin where they all socialised. She noticed that a tall blond man sitting on a rock who looked lonely so she joined him for a chat. His name was Ole and he was studying for a MA in Theology at Bergen University. He spoke English with a perfect intonation which made him sound very posh. He was about five years Yanna’s senior and although she was considered a non-academic he soon became her boyfriend. Fancy meeting a Gentile boyfriend in Israel of all places! But what did her family expect when she had persevered so much with trying to mix with her Jewish peers then get repeatedly rebuffed.
When Yanna came home she realised that she had finally given up with mixing with Jewish people. Her mum was very disappointed that she was not engaged to a nice Jewish boy and that she was besotted by a Lutheran theological Viking!
RETURNING TO SHUL
LAIVE
Yanna’s Brother Laive has dyspraxia and Tourettes Syndrome and became blind in his 30s. He did not have difficulties learning Hebrew but had difficulties writing it and at one time was a Bar Mitzvah Teacher. He still goes to the same synagogue where she was cruelly rejected from her peers. The congregation had been fully inclusive of him from the beginning possibly because his disabilities are less hidden and that he was motivated enough to become frum.
30 Years Later
The Shull honoured Laive on his 50th birthday which was the first time that Yanna had attended a Shabbat service in this synagogue for over thirty years. Although upsetting memories resurfaced as she realised that she had forgiven those involved but had not forgotten her exclusion. She realised that the Eternal One had made her the way she was and that she was a dyspraxia awareness consultant for a very good reason. Although she still struggles with reading Hebrew it would be a mitzvah to research into inclusive methods of teaching Hebrew to students with SpLD, especially as she had returned to Judaism as a member of the Manchester Jewish Liberal Congregation where they have made her so welcome that she is now a commitee member.
|
|
|